What it's like to be a Jester
by Courtnylovesramen
Summary: Namine offers a helping hand to those who need a few, but ends up with a little too much on her place. Shojou-ai content.


The Magical Life of Mine and an Idiot

Ch 1 Disengagement 

Sooo…another fic I probably wont finish. Knowing me, if I do finish it it'll be like four years after I start it, like all my other fics….you know, I've been writing since freshman year and I only have three stories up, one of which sucks and the other two are oneshots. Oh well, I'm just lazy like that. This is a totally random idea that came to me out of nowhere like two seconds ago. I'll go with it and see what happens. Kingdom Hearts doesn't belong to me, cuz if it did Riku wouldn't be such a whiny ass. He's worse than Kira, and that's just bad.

* * *

Namine had to wonder about the slow erosion of her own morals. Usually she was the most mentally balanced of her group of friends, but she was turning in to some kind of monster. Just the other day she thought it was funny when Sora poured salt in his cereal instead of sugar. Not too long after that she actually laughed out loud when Kairi's soda exploded in her face because it was shaken up (by Sora). They were rubbing off on her.

"Community Service?" From Sora.

"What, like, working with necropheliacs and pedos? You're an underweight blonde girl, Namine. They'll kill you then sleep with you. Like Kairi does." After receiving a cheese-whiz ball to the face Sora's would-be tangent cut off before it got too weird. For a while, at least.

"No, not necros and pedos" Namine answered, watching with a slight smirk on her face as Kairi readied another helping of the Whiz, "it's a drug rehabilitation center. Or something like that. It's boarded by a bunch of teenagers, like us."

"It's a bad idea!" Sora continued, wiping his creamy yellow unibrow off, "It's gonna take up all your time! What about us? What about Kairi? _What about me?_" He was met with another cheeseball, and Namine had to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing. It was in his hair. "Well, in a way he is right-in a way, don't give me that look. I mean, I'm doing my chess club thing-" Kairi started, only to be interrupted by Sora.

"You mean that gathering of sociopaths who can't get dates?"

"And if you're doing your volunteer thing, we won't be able to hang out as much…looks like Sora's going to have to make other friends" Kairi said wistfully squirting more cheese on what was left of the crackers. They were in their usual spot, which was Namine's room, discussing Namine's latest Interesting Thing. Sora had Random Things, Kairi had Homework Dates, and Namine had Interesting Things. It was kind of their thing(s). Anyway, even though it cut into Sora Time (heaven forbid), Namine thought the community service would be a good idea. It looked good on college applications, and it gave her an excuse to look busy and important. Oh wait, a reason.

"So…do you know exactly what you're going to be doing there?" Kairi asked, tossing the empty bottle towards the space where Namine's trash can would've been if Sora wasn't feeling spiteful and decided to move it. "Well, that's the thing I wanted to talk to you guys about…it's, uh, kinda complicated. My parents already gave it the okay, so that's all taken care of, but…"

She had been trying to avoid this. It would've been ten times easier if the three of them weren't so utterly dependent on each other, but that couldn't really be helped so late in the game. Other people bored Sora and scared Kairi, and since the two of them were such a handful (or two or three or four), Namine didn't really have the time or energy to deal with other people. This volunteer thing would be good for everyone. She would be fattening up her resume, and the two of them would be hopefully learning how to interact with other people. Hopefully.

"I'm actually going to be living in a special section of the, uh, place. Until the end of the project. Which happens to be whenever I decide. Heh heh." The reaction was pretty much what was expected, except for the near-death. Kairi was quiet with a "What did you just say?" look on her face, but Sora was the worst of the two. He'd been chewing on an old glowstick from Halloween, and when Namine had spoken her future living arrangements he kind of bit into it. There was the initial freaking out and "Oh my God it burns!" from Sora, and things only got worse when Kairi read the back of the package. Since there was no poison control number, they decided that washing the glowstick guts out of Sora's mouth was the best bet. He kept demanding that it be done with milk, which made the two girls think that nothing was even wrong with him and he as doing it for attention. Wouldn't have been the first time.

Now Namine loved her friends. In her opinion they were the best, most unsung glory of the islands, but that type of incident was exactly why she was actually looking forward to going away for a little while. Nothing against them, but it was a little hard to study for a history test with Sora lighting things on fire or Kairi singing loudly in the background. She just needed…some time on her own. They were supportive enough about it ("I can't believe you, Namine! How could you? Backstabber! Fiend! Witch!"), and since she already got the interview and set her move-in date, she couldn't just change her mind.

"Namine?" Kairi asked, tapping Sora's sobbing head, which was rested in her lap, "when are you leaving? We should go out and do something before you're shipped to the labor camp-uh, treatment facility. Do you know?"

Time for lighting bolt number two.

* * *

Other people annoyed Paine. Most of them did, anyway, and the less interaction with annoying idiots the better in her opinion. Not everyone fell under the category of "Annoying Idiot" but the vast majority (let's say 89) did. She used this thought to motivate her to act like Mrs. Mary Sunshine while around the "Helpers" at the Youth Comet Society. They were all morons, thus the less time she spent giving them a reason to spew at her, the better off she was. Not everyone else saw it the same way (like Larxene, who spent all her time either plotting schemes or recovering from their consequences) so she decided to avoid them too. Her existence at the Comet Society pretty much involved ignoring people or avoiding them, and on good days both. She didn't exactly keep her head down, but she never did anything to draw attention to herself, lest the Idiots pester her.

Which was why, more or less, she wasn't really into the idea of a late-night no-holds-bars temporary jailbreak.

"Paine!" Rikku's voice hissed from somewhere outside the window, "hurry up, that mongoose will only distract them for so long!"

"I've been meaning to ask-just where the hell did you get a mongoose on these islands?"

"_Paine!"_

"Alright, alright…."

This was all Rikku's idea. Well, maybe Larxene's too, she always seemed to have a hand in breaking some sort of rule. 'If I get caught they're probably going to take my door away or have constant surveillance on me or some crap like that…damn you, Rikku.' She complained to herself, but wasn't really in the mood to argue, especially when there was a wild starving mongoose on the loose. Besides, the rush was kind of…fun.

"Oh my God!" Rikku gasped, "it bit someone! Over there, look. Can you even see? No, you're looking in the wrong direction. Follow the sound of the screams of agony…see? Over there! What an idiot!"

The fact that Rikku found all that funny was a little disturbing - worse case scenario would play out with that mongoose having West Nile or something, but the Helpers weren't exactly high on respect points so it was their own problem to deal with.

She was preoccupied enough with herself to worry about those idiots…

"Let's go!"

Without another word Rikku grabbed Paine's hand and rushed her off away from the ground-level window.

Without explanation a hot blush crept up Paine's cheeks, tingling from her neck to her scalp. She wasn't necessarily accustomed to the whole social thing (as stated before, most people were idiots), and she was even more clueless when it came to the _liking_ thing. If "Like" was even what was going on with her.

"Ew. Your hand feels like a wet glove. Stop making it sweat" Rikku said, the ever-present smile in her voice.

"I don't think I can tell my hand to stop doing anything. It's not sentient."

"What? What does that even mean, Clam Hands? You need a towel or something for this." Paine loved it, really how easy it was for them to have off the wall conversations like that. Usually her conversations with other people were…well, nothing. It was just different with Rikku.

"Are you sure it's not your own hand? We're slipping apart you're so slimy."

Instantly their hands squeezed tighter, and again Paine had to wonder why exactly that had happened. What really was going on with them? Should she have not gripped tighter? Rikku probably thought it was a weird thing to do…

"Oh, look" the other girl whispered, coming to a halt with Paine's hand still in hers, "it's a full moon. You know what that means - Larxene's true form comes out tonight. Good thing we're alone out here together, huh?"

Alone out here together. Yeah, it was a good thing, but why exactly?

'What's with the wording, Rikku?'

It was quiet. They were never quiet with each other. Rikku wasn't anyway, even though she did seem to bring out the talkative side in Paine, she still did most of the talking. "Quiet Intensity" as Rikku would say.

It was a full moon. Huge and round in the sky, it looked so close they could reach out and feel it with their fingertips. Paine had never seen anything so beautiful. It was a shame that the windows in the Comet Society were tinted darker than the darkness of Larxene's soul - no one else there had the chance to see it. 'No one but me…and her.'

"Let's sit here," Rikku said casually, slipping her hand out of the older girl's. Paine immediately felt a surge of disappointment followed by a wave of the "Oh crap" feeling you get when you realize something you didn't really want to. So that's what it was. She felt like running back to the Comet Society screaming and pulling her hair out like a maniac. She needed to be locked up.

"Paine?" Rikku asked, looking up "what's up? You're still standing. 'Let's sit', I say. And you, you still stand. You should be ashamed of yourself, you deviant."

"Oh, I'm an ashamed deviant alright. How do you even know that word, anyways?"

"You."

"Oh."

Awkward silence number two. Somehow, the atmosphere had changed dramatically. Paine couldn't focus on the massive yellow moon. She couldn't focus on how great it felt to be out of that place and away from all those people. The feel of the breeze against her back had no effect on her. Next to her, there was the soft sound of clothes and grass shifting as Rikku fell back onto the ground, sighing as she gazed upwards.

'So carefree' Paine thought, watching her from the corner of her eye. Rikku was focused intently on something up above her, or else just pretending to be. Paine couldn't focus on anything but her.

What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? "Hey, I've only known you for about two weeks or so and I'm madly infatuated with you?" No, it didn't work like that. Or did it? Paine was so uncertain of how she felt she didn't even know if she was feeling it. What if Rikku didn't feel the same way? She'd be loosing the only link she had to the outside world; to her own humanity. She was just another lifeless body without Rikku. Everything in life seemed mundane and unnecessary without her. It was, in a manner of speaking, not worth living.

'I can't believe myself' she thought, falling backwards to lay and gaze up at the sky. 'But this night's never going to come again. Nothing ever does. I'm only going to get one chance at my life.'

Smiling, Rikku turned to face Paine. They were so close her nose was brushing Paine's cheek, something Paine was painfully aware of. No way in the world was she going to move an inch now.

"You know what I was just thinking?" Rikku asked quietly, her warm breath pouring itself over the other girl's face. She tried not to think of how close they were. She tried to think of things that didn't make her heart want to rip in two. Like sleeping. And avoiding Larxene. And everything else she did in a typical day. It wasn't working.

"What? That Larxene's probably devouring a meal fit for three?"

"Yes. No! No, that's not it! Paine, I'm trying to be serious and you always turn everything into a joke. Typical of you. Ever thought of giving it a rest?"

Paine bit her cheeks to keep from bursting with laughter. She herself had said the same thing to the other girl just yesterday when she caught Rikku making shadow puppets on her wall when she was tying to complain about the food at the Commit Society. It was funny, how Rikku was the only person who could get away with that around Paine. Larxene, who was basically cut from the same cloth as Rikku (only Rikku didn't use her bounds of energy to be malicious and obnoxious in general), annoyed Paine to no end. Her constant talking and silliness was a nuisance, but she kept at it anyway. After a year of being around her Larxene was still unbearable.

"No. I wasn't thinking about Larxene, I don't want to will her here. I was just thinking about tonight. It's so pretty out. There are fireflies over there, on the other side of you. It's so pretty…I've never seen them before."

Paine was almost moved, before she saw that the fireflies were lights from the Vomit Society (that was Rikku's name for the place, which seemed to fit). 'If she wants them to be fireflies let them be' Paine thought, feeling the slow weaving of Rikku's fingers in hers. 'I'd give her anything if I could. If she wanted that big stupid moon she could have it. She can have anything I can give her…'

"I was just thinking that…well…you only get one chance to live, right? So why waste it? I want to live without regrets in my life. I don't want to look back ten years from now and wish I had said something or done something I didn't.'

Paine felt Rikku's body press closer, and closed her eyes, still holding her ground. What did Rikku want from her? Was it the same thing Paine wanted? Friendship? Or maybe something else, something a little more than friendship…

'But what's the difference between friends and lovers? Where exactly does the line draw?'

She knew the answer to that question.

So many minutes passed by, and Paine found Rikku's fingers still in hers, her head resting heavily on her chest, which felt ready to burst. Her heart was full of some kind of emotion that she didn't have a name for and maybe didn't even have the capacity to be feeling. She didn't deserve to have someone like Rikku with her. She didn't deserve much of anything, really. Every moment was precious time.

"Rikku…" she murmured, fighting to keep her eyes open, "it's getting late…_er_…than it was. We need to get back before I…fall asleep…"

"Let's stay."

"Can't."

"Yes we can. Just the two of us. Together, here. Forever. It'd be…fun."

"You can't even speak in a full sentence you're yawning so much."

"I know."

If Paine could have her way she would've stayed. But every morning the Vomit Helpers checked all the beds. If Paine was found missing there'd be trouble, and idiots to please. She just wished she had more time.

"Some day it'll be like that, you know?" Rikku murmured, yawning again. "Just us…no Vomit Society, no parole officers, no visitation hours…just us."

Paine wanted to pull her closer. She wanted to kiss her and hold her and keep her there with her forever. But she couldn't do anything because sooner than not she was asleep.

OMG yay the chapter's over…yay. I'm writing this like a month after I started this fanfic…I suck. So, anyways, Larxene's main role is getting booted for Riku. It would just work better that way, and Larxene is awfully hard to work with. Seeing as how I don't read too many KH fanfics it's hard to see how other people tailor her to their tastes. Whatever. Anywho, I've discovered a new obsession. Melissa Etheridge. And I'd like to thank my spellchecker for mutilating that w/ out permission.


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